Maverick

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It took two days for me to pronounce this word - Illustration; and that also when my cousin told me how to pronounce it. I was troubled thinking how can a word be pronounced which has 3 I’s as first three letter.

My elder sister had influenced me to study in Science stream instead of commerce after my 10th graduation. She asked me to give it a try and assured me that if I would not able to cop up with the English language, I can switch to Commerce. I felt the blow on the first day itself in mathematics text book with the above word, and there were other subjects also.

Textbooks for all the subjects were available in Hindi also, so I got in tune with studies in a year. Only text book which was not available in Hindi was of English and that also English as Higher language subject. I always passed this subject with grace marks in all the term exams. So what happened in Board exam? Miracle - The invigilator was sitting on my desk during 2 hours of exam but I sensed a tacit approval to cheat. So my classmate passed her supplement to me and I copied complete grammar  section. I passed in English and scored decent marks in other subjects.

Do you believe in Miracle?

I didn’t speak much in English until I started preparing for my campus interview. I was going with my college friends and I saw a small board hanging on the balcony of fourth floor in an apartment. The board read - ‘TO LET’ (Only that much). I burst out laughing and told my friend to check the board. I told them that how stupid a person can be, who forgot to put ‘I’ and also, Is anyone going to run till forth floor to use public toilet especially in urgency!!

I need not write what followed after that. You can guess what happens in college when someone commit such a blooper. It happened when I was in first year. Few people still remember me because of this incident

The journey with English seems to be life long. I keep on making mistake and I keep on learning. Few months back while in office, my colleague pinged me to inform me that, she has ordered Samosa for the team. After few minutes I pinged her back - “Hey when is Samosa wala coming, my mouth is littering” . She walked to my desk instead of replying my chat and told me it is supposed to be ‘watering’. I gave my team a reason to laugh while enjoying the delicious Samosas. But I am blessed with the caring colleagues who always appreciate me by saying - At least you keep trying. HO HO HO

In general, I face trouble in pronouncing the word starting with ‘S’ and followed by ‘I’. However hard I try, I always utter ‘Shinger’ instead of ‘Singer’

With time I made bit improvement which was noticed by my manager.  So I was asked to impart a session on Effective E-mail communication to the team. I prepared hard for this presentation. And revised the content many times. The session happened  a month ago and the best compliment I received was - Is it the same Vivek who joined this team two years back?

We should celebrate the small achievement. I celebrated that night

The next day, my manager asked me if I would be able to give the same session to other teams. (There are 4 different team in my project working on different business. We hardly interact with other teams) . I told him that it’s an opportunity for me.

I was bit nervous during my second presentation because the expectation was set to the audience that session will be worth their time. If 15 people are attending one hour session, it’s 15 billable  hours which is being invested and that accounts for huge amount.  I was indeed nervous during session. While hearing the session recording I realized that I had used ‘So’, ‘The thing is’, and ‘now’ in almost all the sentence I spoke. It was so embarrassing.

Third session : It turned out to be much better relative to previous two. I rectified the mistake I did earlier and added few extra points which I got as feedback from previous session.  I received appreciation note from manager of that team and also from leaders of the complete project. I have heard the recordings several times till now.. all of one hour duration..

I partied hard that night. Dedicated to all who laughed at me, Dedicated to all who then corrected me, Dedicated to my colleague who sits beside me and bear all my bad usage of words and Dedicated to Toastmasters.

“Either I do things correctly or I learn”. This belief  helps me keeping my ‘mistake’ dairy blank. And as there is nothing in my ‘mistake’ list, I always be confident for the new learnings.

I still remember that I was at my friend’s home where I saw the twin towers getting hit by planes. I was in class 11th then and it didn’t matter to me whatever it was. It didn’t matter to me what followed after that in Afghanistan. All I knew was that they attacked America and now it’s america who was taking revenge. I remember there were talks in India that time about America’s boldness and India’s feebleness - This is how America treat their enemies, does India have power to attack its enemies; enemies such as Pakistan who prepare terrorist against India. Well ! whatever, it didn’t matter to me.

Today I visited Afghanistan with Khaled Hosseini. The journey lasted 300 hundred pages which I traveled at a stretch. My longest journey till now which I experienced with ‘A thousand Splendid Suns’.

This journey has left me with myriad questions; questions about life, questions about death, questions about love, questions about freedom, questions about hope, questions about faith and questions about God. And I am sure that there are no answers to most of them. If there are they are all subjective answers, not objective.

Somehow I am feeling luckier today not to be born in few thousand kilometers west of where I am. Somehow I am cherishing the freedom which I exercise here in India and somehow I am thanking all those who made India what it is today. Somehow I am questioning God! (It’s too subjective about God, so I won’t write anything. I am not valorous like Bhagat Singh to pen down my thoughts about the Supreme)

I was aware about the pathetic situation in Afghanistan, about the Taliban’s brutal rules, but in this journey I saw Afghanistan through the people’s eyes. People who loved, people who made promises, people who dreamed, people who laughed, so what if missiles were penetrating in neighborhood, so what if the next time it could penetrate their own house, so what if life was all about fulfilling the basic necessity for survival. A paragon of Hope. I realized, hope gives purpose in life and strength to endure.

Huuhh.. so many thoughts are clashing in my mind and I am not able to write anything. Suddenly I am longing to see my family, to talk to them. And in such times I hate being so far from my family.

I am thankful to CAT because I started reading to prepare for this exam. I am learning so much about life. I really am!

Someone in bank directed me towards counter number four. I turned towards counter four and saw a girl busy in managing papers spread on her desk. I put my form on her desk to get my demand draft for JMET.

She looked at my form, raised her head up and asked with voice full of vigour - ‘Hey, are you going to IISc?’

Her sweet voice and beautiful face made me speechless and for a moment I landed in the dream world as I am submitting the admission letter at IISc, until I heard her voice again - ‘Excuse me!’

Eww, was I staring to her for so long !

I couldn’t think of any thing and I answered - I hope !  (Was that stupid answer!!)

Anyways, after that she told me all about his cousin who passed out from IISc, placed in BARC and now into making missiles. And all this time I was staring at her, gauging the source of her excitement. I was again in dream world for a moment asking her out for coffee. Well, I am among those 99 people who can’t ask a girl for coffee.

When she ended her cousin’s glorified story, I told her about the management course I am applying to and that her cousin did bachelors from IISc. We did bit more chit-chat after which she wished me lots of luck and asked - Sir, please wait for few minutes, take your seat. Sir!, Oh! that was painful. And why the hell I was standing till now. I felt so embarrassed.

Those few minutes flee in moments and my draft was ready. I thanked her and move towards out gate. I endured but forced myself not to turn back and look at her again.  I thought that would be another blooper.

I ignited my bike and suddenly this thought popped on my mind - Can’t I have doubts on draft?

I was back to her desk again, asking about the DD number and all. She wished me luck again with same fervor. This time I was out, all smiling and again in my dream world - I am out with her and IISc admission letter in my hand.

There should be someone who challenge you, at every step of life. That boost you to work harder. At times these challenges be very frustrating but it helps you to be your best in life.

My attitude towards life is, not to blame anything, not to think what I didn’t get in life because nobody gets everything in life.  But at times I feel I should have faced more challenges in my early days especially academically.

I studied in this school in Gandhidham which is the only  hindi medium school there. Everyday it was rewarding for me. I consistently stood topper in class since I joined that school in class 7th. I won numerous prizes in dance compitions, cricket and was awarded as ‘Best Boy’ of school once. I was always content with myself, family and friends appreciated me, teachers loved me and classmates always sought me for my notebooks. I was doing good in my life.

Now when I look back, I always stood topper in school and the second ranker always scored minimum 10% less than my score. I never felt threat for my top position. I knew it was my province. So I always studied bit more than everyone else in my class. Although topper I learnt nothing in school. Revising few slim books twice a year was easy for me. I just did that much only. No body challenged me to go beyond that. I missed that… I really missed that in my life.

But again, my attitude towards life remains. Even though I miss, I don’t blame. That school was the best school I could go at that time considering the situation in my family.

Challenges are good, I hope there will be enough for me in future.

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Below is what instigated me write this post.

http://totalgadha.com/tgtown/wimwi/2009/09/13/flashback/

“I couldn’t stand being called inferior to everybody else, I couldn’t stand being asked how I reached a class that “high”, I couldn’t stand being asked what my parents and native village did or didn’t teach me. I fought, I worked, I persevered. Within a year, everything showed, and in not much time, I was being counted among the lot who had a really “bright” future.”

So the D day for CAT 09 is decided. It actually signals the count down.  I always try to think about preperation rather then exam so that I don’t meet trouble half way. But today I am not able. Partly because I am not well and mostly because the crowd I saw in bank today. So to deviate my mind I was tinkering  in internet. I landed up in my blogs where I have not posted anyting for more than a year now.

I got this post of mine there about CAT 07. Now we all read the CAT experience from people who converts the IIM calls. here is the one from rather mediocre CAT taker :

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CAT 2007! One of the toughest and highly competitive exam in India which, if cracked, leads one to the path of successful life and career with prosperity. The exam was on 18th November 2007.

I woke up at morning 6 and prepared a cup of tea for myself. While sipping the tea at my balcony, I though a bit about the exam. Cold breeze seemed to me like CAT which was attacking my body and I had only one weapon to defend myself. The Tea! But soon I realized that my tea is not hot and prepared well so I simply got up and came inside the room.
My other roommates had woke up by then and everyone were rushing to prepare for the exam. Every one of us was feeling very happy, inexplicably!

One year back, I started preparation for CAT with full enthusiasm. Preparation of CAT itself taught me so many things. It changed my perspective towards everything we perceive in our daily life and taught to perceive them in the way other than our conventional wisdom. But I couldn’t maintain my dedication towards my preparation. The reason was both, I couldn’t cope up with the pressure and the main reason, I didn’t study the way I should have done.

I reached the examination center (Pragati College) one hour before reporting time. Most of my time passed in noting my room number and depositing my belongings at store room. People in huge number were present there. I saw very few who were smiling or laughing or talking to someone but there was lots of noise. It was impossible to comprehend that noise but the voice was filled with anxiety and nervousness. Noise got feeble when instructor over there signaled to enter the premises.

My room was on second floor. I entered the room and checked my watch, 30 minutes was still left for the exam to start. There were around 20 people in my room. I noticed, few of them were sitting with their eyes closed, finger of both hands crossed and elbow on the desk, praying. Even I pray before the exams, but I thought that works only if I do enough hard work and prepare for the exam honestly. Few others were looking too stressed and their eyes were half closed, seemed like they haven’t slept for past few days. I saw 2-3 girls with their palm on their face and pressed tightly against the face. That expression was strange to me and I couldn’t determine what mental condition of them leads to that gesture! Then I noticed my self, why I am so confidence and only person in the examination hall who is staring others instead of posing for one of the above gesture. Ohh I need not write why! I thought if I would be able to maintain the same coolness and confidence with full preparation just before the exams, ever in my life, I would definitely end up in one of the prominent management institute.

The invigilator delivered the question paper and answer sheet and instructed how to fill them. At sharp 10:30 he signaled to open the question paper. The next moment after 10:30 which I realized was at 1 pm when he instructed to stop writing and started collecting answer sheets.

There was a scary silence at the examination center just after the completion of exam. Everybody was only looking at each other without any expression on their face. The minds were unable to shape any expression using muscles of face after it’s exploitation in last two and half hour by their owners. Slowly minds started getting conscious and I heard few people discussing the paper with each other.

I rushed to collect my belongings which I had deposited at store room. That was the quickest two and half hour which passed in my life and my first ever competitive exam which I wrote. Hope I will be doing it better next year.

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P.S - My CAT plan was completely in debris in 2008, but I dont know what happened just 2 months before CAT 08! I am chasing CAT relentlessly since then. I hope

Here starts my journey of public speaking with my first speech in Toastmaster club. The topic of my speech was -

LIFE AT SINGLE DIGIT :

We all experience events in our childhood which reflect our actual being. We don’t need to recall those as our cherished memories instead they be with us at every steps of our life.

I was born at Nonihat, a village in Bihar state. It is a small village with population of around 6000. Mine was the biggest family in Nonihat popularly known as Ghirias.  Ghirias had around 60-70 members and they all lived together in one big house. The family was divided into 5 smaller families, in which one was of my grandfather and others were of his four brothers.  There were people from all the age groups right from an old man to just born toddler.

I am the youngest among my two sisters and two brothers.  My brother is only two year elder than me and in childhood we fought for everything and always envied each other. My father was known as angry young man in my family and I was always scared of him and so was my brother. So we always kept our difference buried in front of my father but always fought in front of mom or when we were alone.

In Childhood my daily routine was to attend school but no study, play cricket and other indoor games like cards, marbles, Gulli Danda, Ludo and talking with people. Consider this - Every year there were atleast two marriages, atleast one kid was born and on an average one person demised in my family. There were already around 60 members and because of presence of relatives on various occasions; everyday my house was bustling with some or other activity.

My school timing was from 10a.m to 4p.m and after that I played cricket until sunset. One day my father asked me and my brother to go for English tuition. The teacher was a graduate unemployed so my father requested him for our tuitions.  For me this tuition was big punishment because when all of my cousins indulged in playing, I along with my brother was going for the tuition. Not a single day passed when I didn’t despise my father for that.

This punishment were more severe when my autocratic sister (yes, that’s what I used to call her), 12 years elder to me, was home during her college vacations. During those days all I used to hear was one word – Study. Oh! She was equally dominating as my father and she was the second person whom I was scared of most after my father.  I mean I was only 9 that time and I never saw anyone studying in my village ever, and I was there hearing all those sarcastic comments about my poor study, bad handwriting and for being a dumb boy. Yes, I was declared a dumb boy by my sister when for continuous 3 years I was ranked 3rd in class of 3 students.  There were only 30-40 students in my school who were facilitated by 4 teachers.

Well my tuition teacher got job and he left the village after six months of tuition. And my sister was about to get married in few months. I was in class fifth when my sister got married. That day was one of the happiest days of my childhood.

I think curiosity to learn anything new is in my instinct. So while roaming with my friends I heard little slang and forgetting all the consequences I yelled one of the slang to my brother when we were playing at home. My mom heard that and immediately my father was called from shop. I was scared to death and thought of running away before he reaches home. Well, although curious, I am not very adventurous person so I stayed there.

What did u say, repeat it to me – My father was asking me with too low and caring voice. I raised my head up and saw his eyes. My heart stopped beating and I couldn’t respond anything.  When he lost his patience he lashed on my palm with a wooden scale. Tears started rolling down from my eyes but I kept my mouth shut and tried looking towards my mom to earn some sympathy. But my father brought the steel scale in front of me and told you are not allowed to cry here. Go to some other room and cry if you want to. I knew when my father is upto something my mom won’t speak a word. So I switched to our store room and started crying loudly. But no one came for my rescue and after some time I slept there. No one discussed that matter after that day, even my brother didn’t tease me for that ever. And I never dared to speak slang until I was in that village. Everyone in the village knew my father, so I chose not to take a chance.

I always dreamt of being a pace bowler and one bhaiya in my neighborhood was my mentor. He used to teach me bowling skills and I was fascinated with his fast bowling. We went along well for quite sometimes and one day he cajoled me to bring some money to buy cricket accessories. With too much planning and risk I could sequester 200 rupees from my shop and handed it over to him. In the same evening when I reached to my shop, my father asked me casually, what you did with the money. I was shocked that he could guess about it. Now, I don’t have enough daring till now to lie in front of my father. So I told him everything and after sometime that bhaiya along with his father was present in the shop. That bhaiya was treated very badly by his father upon knowing the fact but no one told my or punish me for what I did. I still think I was spared because I was influenced to steal money and it was not done intentionally.

After few months I started hearing people murmuring about my father’s plan settle in Gujarat where one of my uncles were living. Few of my elders scared me by telling how much I have to study there and about my uncle to whom they characterize as same as my father.  But I was more excited for the long train journey which I loved most. In fact, one of my childhood dreams was to become a train driver  :)

While traveling to Gujarat I didn’t realize that I was double digit older and that, that was the end of my childhood. But I do realize now. And I also realize that I am the second person (by age) to get engineering education in the last three generations of Ghiria family and it would not have been possible without the effort of my father and my sister who always kept this notorious kid tamed.

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One receives feedback from audience after delivery of speech. I was elated to get almost 25 feedbacks out of 30 people. Toastmaster really helps a lot to improves one’s speaking ability, so if you are interested join your local ToastMaster club.

An essay competition was organized in my company - Satyam Computers. The topic was -

“whether the journey after 7th January was learning experience. If not, why?” (7th January 2009 was the day when Satyam scandal was revealed)

Below is what I wrote for the topic :

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When I entered the professional world in 2006, world economy was booming, stock markets were being ruled by bulls, and people were getting exciting opportunities with high remuneration. Being a first time earner my excitement dwarfed the positive halo of the healthy world. I was too indulged in Snug facilities at office, high income, new buddies, trips, shopping, discos and pubs, air travels, and a little work in office, to realize that word is slowly being infected by disease called ‘Financial Depression’. I was not much affected when numerous companies in US were filing bankruptcy and were seeking government help. I also remained unaffected when Indian stock indices plunged to abysmal where I invested all my savings as a naïve investor. But two days before my birthday while planning for party I went numb when I heard the news that Satyam was being compared with Enron.

Within few hours of revelation of Satyam news, I received numerous calls from relatives and friends which also included distant relatives and forgotten friends. All showed little concern for my job security but were more curious to know some latest news so that they can gossip in their town. Few experienced investor among those also sought my opinion on Satyam Stock. While discussing prospective Satyam stock scenario with disinterest over phone I was feeling panicked of the situation and for my job. And people over phone helped me realized the true objectivism of life – Selfishness. People on the other side of phone were actually not concerned about me instead they just wanted to make money from Satyam scandal opportunity. Seventh January event had started making difference in my life.

Each subsequent days following seventh January was filled with anxiety. I was like numerous others who were in quandary over updates from media and Satyam internal communication. Government support, leaders’ assurances made me feel confident while losing business news, job insecurity kept me fretting. Between all these uncertainties there was an acute challenge to keep working on the project to retain the business. Suddenly I started feeling more responsible for the work I was doing and was being over cautious while working with customer to avoid any minor mistake. I was squashed with surrounding work atmosphere, situations which was alien to me and most importantly I was not responsible for any of this, but then I came across this quote –

‘There are no great people in this world, only great challenges which ordinary people rise to meet’.

This quote influenced me a lot and I realized that there would be many such challenges in life, and instead of getting depressed I should rise to meet these challenges. I started viewing things from different perspective. I saw everyone inside company and many from outside the company were striving to reduce the damage. And I also decided to strive to ameliorate the work relationship with my customers. While working with improved confidence I realized my actual potential and abilities. And for me, this accounts for the second radical learning about myself which I realized due to 7th January event.

On personal finance front the income which was termed as ‘Disposable’ by many economists few months back had vanished. Repaying bank loan at such financial constraint was painful and suddenly I was able to comprehend all the advised imparted by those elitist economist which I used to ignore. I understood that financial depressions are cyclic in nature and will occur many a times in life so I should always be frugal in spending and save for worst time. ‘Money saved is money earned’ is true of all the statement related to finance and I have incorporated this learning for my life time.

“If you think you will become a CEO one day, you will never become a CEO! But if you think, one day you will have all the qualities required to become a CEO, you may become a CEO” –

This statement was imparted by B. Muthuraman, MD of Tata Steel at my degree convocation ceremony. This statement was imprinted in my mind and I was minutely observing all my leaders right from reporting manager to head of business unit post 7th January event. Daily updates to stingers, motivating teams during client audits, replying to stingers’ queries with affection, regular direct communication with higher leaders of unit, organizing work-aside activities are a few take away of my minute observation.

One of the most important thought which induced in my mind is that however big an institution be or however established a brand is, things can turn upside down and I must immune myself from such whimsical situations in future. During the same period there were talks about declining IT service demand and limited opportunities which helped me realize the importance of having skills for one alternative career. So I encouraged myself to learn something new daily not only in one field but in one other field also. And the thoughts ‘you have started investing in yourself and soon it will become a brand” keep me motivated.

For me Seventh January event was boon. When a child get born, he is vaccinated against many known diseases, similarly all the challenges which I am enduring at this early stage of my professional life are vaccinating me against numerous undesirable situations of life to lead a healthy personal and professional life.

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P.S - Only one prize was awarded for this competition and I didn’t win that. Please mention gramattical errors. My sole perpose of writing was to practice grammar.

Am I feeling scared? yes! Am I feeling depressed? Yes!

There is so much to study, there is so much to learn and practice but there is only 24 hour in a day. With every week that pass I feel like time just swept last 7 days and I could study so little. Like last year, suddenly the work load in office has started piling up like hell, again in the crucial month like July and the work load in coming month is lucidly visible.

Oh! how would I able to keep up my preparation under so much workload. Few days back, my dreams was all about quant problems, CAT and other exams. Now, all I see is, me struggling to locate elusive bugs in code, meetings with client and discussions with my managers. No, all these are not going as I planned. I am weeping, yes you can think anything of me but that’s what happening with me. Feeling to cry and shout vociferously.

But if this is a challenge and if this is called life, I will endure it. I will squeeze myself to the most humanly possible.

All I need is to say this quote to my mind - Pressure, Extreme pressure can turn a coal into a diamond. Just be persistence and keep doing all you can. And you will emerge out as successful, if not to the world, at least to yourself.

Today is 30th birthday of Walkman. On 2nd July 1979 Sony made first walkman which changed the way people experience the music.

When I read this news today it left me startled. The most successful product, just 30 years old is on the verge of getting extinct.  I recalled the article which was wrote about Apple as the most creative company in the world and how its IPOD has changed the way people experience the music.

So what’s the point to notice! Change is inevitable.  Today I am exactly 36 months old in real world. Real world, which started immediately after I passed out from college and joined Satyam on 3rd July 2006. From a boom growing economy to depression, from Stock Market Bull to bear, from India’s 4th largest company to abysmal, last three years were very exciting, very fret full and very depressing.

I noticed two kinda people in my company. One who are too much content with what they have learnt years before and still boast about that and the others who make an conscious effort to learn something new everyday. Former type form around 90% of total work force. I was also the one in those 90%.

Few months back I witnessed a shakespeare play enacted by student of class 8th. I was thrilled by their skills and smartness. I thought, may be few years down the line I will become a manage in some company based on my number of years of experience. But if I will not transit into those few 10% group, I will always remain as manager but will never become a leader. So I flexed my muscles to keep myself ready and competent enough to manage the future smart professional.

I formed a company today called ME Incorporated and my designation is CEO in this company. As my own company I have started working hard, acquiring knowledge and learning skills to make it most sought after company. And As I am conscious of climax of Walk Man;  product of my company will keep on changing as market demands.

Need to Keep Walking

I don’t remember how difficult the paper was. But I do remember I attempted DI at last and I had very little time left. The room was very small and I was seated on the floor. I was the only one writing the exam. There were few friends of mine in the room whom I didn’t recognize and surprisingly there was no invigilator.

After I submitted my answer sheet, I woke up and I was trembling. I tried hard to recollect how I performed in the exam but couldn’t. Dreams are always elusive. I don’t know whether dreams come true or not but many a times in life while doing something I felt that I have seen myself doing this action before.

Dreams just decipher the condition of our mind, script a nice story around that (holloywood style) and present to us while we try to sleep. When in depression I have seen myself amidst battle ground, fighting with weired characters, tumbling many times but at the end of the movie (dream) I am always alive(bollywood style). I wonder why I never die in dream. May be it happens with everyone! No one can die in his dreams or one will never get up again.

Whatever, I will do my research on dreams sometimes later in my life. I remember I was hurrying in last section (DI) and that’s probably because I haven’t started preparing much of DI section.  Hmmmm Miles to go before I sleep ….